i need to stop assaulting poets across the world with my crappy attempts

fire brings pain, that could not stop me from visiting you.
water brings swells, that could not keep me from sailing to you.
wind brings force, that can not slow me down on my way to you.
earth brings distance, that can not keep us apart.

you are everything to me, you have my whole heart.
you are within my inter sanctum, please dont crush my heart.
everything i am, i give unto you.
all that you could want, i will make yours.

when the flames burn bright, i will not stop.
when the water is choppy, i will not turn.
when the wind will not cease, nor shall i.
when the earth stretches on, i will continue to walk to you.

if offered imortality, i would chose you.
if offered safety, i would remain at your whim.
if offered the world, i would give it to you.
if asked for anything, i would not hesitate to make it yours.

love will overcome all, and so will ours
love can not be stopped, and ours will burn forever.
love is more powerful than all else. and so ours over powers all
love lasts forever, even after our bodies turn to dust.

excerpts from a chat, several days past

the_macgeek- i know this is going to sound weird, but i think that right now, the distance (even though it sucks) is good for us

crimsonscales7- yes. jc why do you think that?

the_macgeek- because it allows us to talk, learn about each other, get to know one another on a deep level, without all that we want to do be make out all the time, its giving us a balance between our physical desires and our emotional need to build a deep, strong, lasting connection

crimsonscales7- yes i agree

the_macgeek- even though my physical desires say otherwise, i know that this is a good thing

the_macgeek- because i love getting to know everything about you

the_macgeek- i am a sponge and you are water, i just want to absorb everything there is to know about you

crimsonscales7- awww i love getting to know everything about you, your amazingess, your quirks everything

the_macgeek- and we dont have to worry about burning to hot and fast, and burning out, we have enough fire to keep us going, and plenty of fuel to burn for years to come (and every day adding more fuel to that pile, every time we learn something about each other)

so natural, so right

when you were here, everything felt right
you were close by, i could feel you were near
it felt like puzzle pieces, falling into place
it felt so natural, it felt so right

now that you are gone, i am left here alone
just a meat sack, with no soul
you stole it away, it is now with you
my body remains, set on auto pilot

i cant wait, for that time again
when we are together, even if only for a time
you there when i drift to sleep, when i wake
when it feels so natural, so right

death of me, lack of updates

sorry about the lack of updates, i have been rather busy with work and travel and what not, and have not really had the chance to sit down and actually do anything... until now!

went to the mall with brandonamp and tonquo today, that was fun. hit up bath and body works (i love the smell of that store) then went to BW3's to pick up wings... they were not ready when we got there so we went up to the bar and had a round. after that our waitress let us know that our order was ready, so we went and picked it up and then headed back to my man cave. after a little bit of cleaning we all managed to fit into there and we mainly goofed around for most of the night, ate wings, and some pineapple... yummy!

brandonamp tried out some of the SoCo 100 and he seemed to rather enjoy it. after a bit Tonquo had to go so we said good bye to him and then brandonamp and myself messed around for a little while longer before he also left. after a relaxing shower and some more pineapple i decided to update my blog, letting everyone know that i am not in fact dead, simply AFK...

Safety of the Dragon

on this mountain peak, in full armor i stand
looking at the sun set, hoping to see your silhouette
off with my helm, i listen for your cry on the wind
another step to the sun, i drop my shield
i raise my hand to shade my eyes, hoping to catch a glimpse
another step, i lay down my sword
i cup my ears, straining to hear your cry
another step, i take off my gauntlets
wiping my brow, wiping the tears
another step, i drop my breast plate
my heart, pounding in my chest
another step, i fall to my knees
i hold my arms high, before i collapse
at the last moment, you fly over the ridge
as i start to fall, you catch me with your claws
higher we soar, off into the distance
i awake by a fire, curled up against your scales
your heart beats, slow and strong
my body aches, broken from the battle
finally we are together, finally we are free
-Amaya The Dragon Rider

javascript

for the love of god, blogger does not support java script, well, at least it cant run my script, my nice, wonderful countdown script. also, why is it that i have not got any comments on my recent posts? where are my friends at?

walls

I have spent a large part of my life, building walls, walls to keep people out, walls to protect myself. yet, with just a few words, you were able to cut right into my heart, you were able to bring me to my knees. not just once, but twice in the same night, with just the slightest phrase, you brought tears to my eyes. You are the other half of the picture, you fill in all the holes, all the pieces fit together just perfectly. once we finish putting together all of the pieces, once we see the whole picture, once we are together. I will give you all that i am, all that I have. You have what it takes, to see the real me. You dont have to work at it, you are welcome into my walls, into my deepest, darkest, most secure parts of my life.

I never thought I would meet someone that i could let into my walls, let alone someone who could walk right through them, right to my heart. And I love that you are able to.

SOS: I wonder how many times i have said "i love that" about you, about the things you do, about the things you say.

who said peoms rhyme?

When I close my eyes,
I see your face.
When I fall asleep,
I see your face.

When I wake up,
I wish I was with you
When I go to bed,
I wish I was holding you

When I talk to you
I wish I could hold you close
When I make you smile,
I wish I could see

When you need support
I wish I was there.
When you need a friend
I wish i was there.

When you are alone
I wish i could hold you close
To keep you safe,
to keep you warm.

When I am there,
will I know what to say?
When I hold you,
Will you know how i feel?

When i write to you,
a poem that does not rhyme.
Will you know how much i care?
and how much i feel?

NEW COMPUTER

motherboard
http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16813128378

CPU
http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16819103649

memory (two of these kits for a total of 8GB)
http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16820227326

video card
http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16814125255

hard drives (Two of these in a raid level 0 for the boot drive)
http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16820609330

Benchmark stats to come, after i get this beast built.
Also, i need a name for her... any ideas?

-UPDATE- she has a name! she shall be called 'Princess Zelda'

-UPDATE 2- new monitor
http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16824009145

new mouse
http://www.newegg.com/Product/Product.aspx?Item=N82E16826620011

-UPDATE 3-
i got a second monitor, just like the first, and i love it so much, having a dual screen setup...mmmm
i would highly recommend these monitors to anyone

evolution, and the shedding of unworthy parts

another second passes, another heart beat closer to death. they say that guys think about sex once every 10 seconds on average. i think about computers once every 5. most of the time it is troubleshooting, diagnostics, or repair, however, every once in a while, i think about upgrades, and when i think about upgrades, my bank account trembles in fear. if anyone is looking for parts, i have a few to spare, starting with my current gigabyte motherboard that has served me well for the past two years, it is such a bad ass board. i also have the CPU that goes with it, an AM2 dual core Athlon 5000+. that brings me to the two graphics cards that i have, geforce 8500s made by gigabyte.

if you are interested in any of these email me or leave a comment and i will get you all the info you could ever want about them.

also to come- benchmarks from my upgraded parts when i get them in, setup, tested, tweaked and finally stable.

-UPDATE- how could i forget that i will have 4gb of DDR2 800 when i cycle out these parts

also, note that i am happy with keeping these parts, i can always find a use for something like this... server setup comes to mind, as well as backup gaming rig...

-UPDATE 2-
never mind, i am going to use this as a backup gaming rig for now, but still let me know if your interested, i might be able to part with it...

pieces

"i dont mind putting you back together,
but i dont know how many times i can do it without losing any pieces."
-Louie Bluhm

"we all lose pieces,
But it's that perfect time, when we find the person who has pieces that will fit our holes, and we have pieces that will fit theirs
And we'll make a beautiful picture out of our pieces"
-Brandon Cassell

quotes from an im conversation that took place between louie and brandon on the day of this posting, the conversation was about love, heartbreak, pain and finding your true love

sleepless nights and endless days

for some reason i cant seem to sleep when the moon it up, i think i might be part vampire, and in the mindset of hiding from the sun. but it is really killing me because i have to work during the day, and it just seems like the days drag on and on, 6 pm never comes soon enough, and yet, as soon as i get home, i am wide awake, ready to toil on into the night, hours on end at my computer, watching as my maximum potential sleep (if i were to fall asleep right when i look at the clock) counts down into hours that can be counted on one hand, less and less sleep i get, yet more and more i want to do before i go to sleep. then only to crash on the weekend, to remain in hibernation for those two days, to recover from the loss of sleep, then to start the cycle over again, sleepless nights and endless days...

i dont know if i want to do what i thought i wanted to do

in the course of taking classes at devry, there are several classes i am forced to take that have little to do with what i think is my major, which has me thinking that network admins are the catch all of the it world, and we end up doing simple programming tasks, and assisting every other technical department when all is calm in ours. so i am starting to wonder if i really want to be a network admin who has to deal with being everyones monkey just because i know how to do my job and there is not always a fire in my department. its almost as if network admins who do there job well are punished by being forced to slave away for other it departments. so i am starting to think that it would be nice to do something else, like teach, i would be a college professor if i were to teach, and it would be something to do with networking. or i could be a lazy bum, or any number of other career choices that dont involve punishment for a job well done...

itunes lyrics

i just got a small app that searches the web for lyrics and artwork for the currently playing song in itunes and then updates the song info with what it finds. it does a really nice job, but the problem now is that i am forced to correct song information in order for it to find the lyrics and album artwork. so i have spent the past two days looking on wikipedia to find out what album a song was on, or what the proper name of a song is to that this app will be able to find the lyrics and artwork.

and i have learned something, when i listen to a song, most of the time i listen to the music, and the sound of the words, but not the words themselves. so when this app finds the lyrics and i start to read through them, i am often shocked at what is actually being said in the song, where i thought a song had a certain meaning, by reading the lyrics the whole meaning of the song changes and i continue to find myself going "wow, i did not know thats what they were talking about"

its amazing what you think of just before you lose consciousness

have you ever felt like you were born at the wrong time? or in the wrong place?

i have a theory, and most of you will tell me that i have lost it, but you cant prove me wrong.

i think that when you die, your consciousness goes to whatever the afterlife may be, if its heaven and hell, or if its nothing, whatever, but i dont think that your consciousness is destroyed. i think that it goes into a queue, where it waits for a new body. and not like "i hope you come back as a lobster" but only taking human form again, not as animals. now, stuff like memories and stuff that is learned is not carried over, however, feelings and emotions are, and that is why some people feel like they should be born in certain places and times, they have a deep longing and feeling to go back to where they were before, where there consciousness was, to there previous life.

for me, i have a deep longing to be a viking, to explore the edge of the earth, to trade with everyone in the known world and still have the audacity to go where no one has before, to sail to new lands, to brave harsh weather and fill in the edges of the map. you see, i listen to music from leaves' eyes and something deep inside me burns like a fire, as if it is stoking a fire deep inside me, a longing to explore the harsh north, a need to explore, a need to sail the ocean. i really feel that in a past life i was a viking, i long to sail the sea, to fight the storm, to share such a great passion with others, all of us, rowing onward into the unknown.