christmas present

so if anyone wants to get me a christmas present but does not know what i want jlist has a super cool 2008 calender here it is the "2008 bondage nudes" calender and i think that it would look quite nice on my wall for the 2008 year

nice weather

well, it is 12:22 AM EST here at my bat cave, and with it being about 60° f out side i decided to eat my dinner/midnight snack out here on the back deck, so far i have been out here about 45 minutes and it is really nice, i am even thinking about sleeping out here because it is so nice, i played a bit of WoW for the first part of being out here and now i am blogging by candle light, how peaceful. i would like to wish all my readers a nice thanksgiving with your families and friends. i plan on eating thanksgiving dinner at my grandparents on my moms side of the family (dads side of the family are jerks for the most part, so i will not be eating there) unfortunantly i have to work friday, but friday night is the lan party at sasha's so i will be going to that with my kick ass gaming machine (you can read about it a few posts ago) and then i have to worry about paying insurence and then buying everyone a christmas gift, which means i will have no money till after christmas, when i hope to get a ipod touch! setting out here makes me wish i had a tent and a few other midieval camping stuffs so that i could build a nice little fire and camp out middle-age style here on the farm.

well, i cant really make a blog post without updating you on my mental status. i think my brain is starting to loose its edge, i can feel it, i am not as sharp as i used to be, i am forgetting things that i should not be and i am having short term memory loss, the problem is i can feel this degresstion and it hurts knowing that i may be slipping to insanity.

now that you have the update on my conscience, let me update you on my sub-conscience, more specificly, dreams that i have been having of late. for the past 10 days i have been haunted by dreams of Katherine (my ex-girlfriend) and myself being together again. we have been broken up for 18 months now after having dated for 3 years. and i have not had a dream about her for at least a year now, and all of a sudden, i am being haunted by dreams of us as a couple, which has made me quite sad as of late, and i am at a cross-roads of what i should do, i could call her and tell her how i feel and risk rejection, or i could go on with my life and never say anything, the only problem is that i have never felt as happy as i did when i was with her, and i love her so much that i would give up everything for her, i would give up any and all fetishes i may have, i would change anything about myself to make her happy, i would even die for her, and i dont think that i would do all of that for any other person on the planet, there is just something about her that completes me, it is like a lock and a key, that is how happy she makes me, just being with her, or talking to her, it just brings out happiness that nothing else can. i dont know how to put it other than that.

well, it is now 12:46 AM EST and my lappy needs to be plugged in so i am going to leave off here

trauma 2007

so, i went to trauma wednesday october the 31st

it was so great! i really enjoyed it a lot!
they had a dungeon setup and i really, really,
enjoyed watching people get tied up, whipped,
flogged, canned, all of that good stuff, it
was so much fun, as soon as the galleries are
online i will link to them, but i just want
you all to know that it was so much fun!
and you missed out on so much!

new wallpaper

i got a new wallpaper today, about 4 AM EST it is quite nice actually


i also found this one

weekend update

i had to wok saturday so i worked all night from friday into saturday, did my work saturday and then came home, got settled in around here and then around 6 i went to sleep, i woke up at about 1 am technicly that being sunday morning, and i think, ok, i have had enough sleep, so i will stay up until sunday afternoon or evening and then go to bed and then work on monday. so its late saturday night, or early sunday morning, depending on how you look at it and i was talking to sunni, on of my friends who is often playing a RPG with a few other people, and i have wanted to join them for the past few months or so, well, i finally they are starting a new game, and i am invited to join them, so i am really, really excited about joining them to play this new game (they play almost every sunday, this being great timing because i am planning on being up until sunday afternoon or evening) so the last thing i can remember is it is about 6 am sunday morning, i am watching stardust, and then the next thing i can remember its 5pm on sunday, thats right, i fell asleep in my chair for almost 11 hours, there by missing the start of a new rpg and missing out on several months of fun. and i cant believe that i slept for almost 11 hours in my chair because it is not very comfy for sleeping in and i was so damn excited i dont know how i was able to sleep but yeah, again i fucked my self over on that one (that seems to be happening a lot lately)

new lcd

well, i got a new lcd screen today, the only thing about it is that the backlight is bad in it, so i took it apart and now i have just the lcd part of it, separated from the cathode so that i might use it for a projector, now all i need to find is a overhead projector like is found in classrooms around the world to use to amplify and illuminate the image so that i will have a projector that i can use to play games on and watch tv on! yay me.

motivation

mark my word that today is the last day that i will put hope in other people, the last day that i will expect someone to do something that is not for there own personal gain, and the last day i bother with other people. i should have known better than to expect people to be anything but just that, people, i should have know that no matter what, people are always out for them selves, even my friends are no exception to this. i should have know after this that no matter how nice people may seem, they will let you down, no matter what you ask of them, how easy or simple it may be, they will let you down. so dont ask me do do anything for you, from now on, i will be only looking out for myself, as that is what everyone else does. and dont put your hope in others, for they will only hurt you

the reaper

here is the sweet graphic i created for the side of my new computer

another upgrade

the reaper is now version 0.9.3

this being because brandonamp is letting me use one of his graphics cards, so i am no longer rocking with 16 megs of video ram!

we have a name

and the name is (drum roll please)...

the reaper

bringing the version to 0.9

yay me